Thursday, May 17, 2012

Struggling to surrender


I am a citizen of the world.  Been born in Libya, grown in Greece, and now living in the States. 
My allegiance is partial to my feelings of the moment.  Lately, however, it’s been coerced to serve this land upon which I stand. 
Greece tugs and pulls at my heart; my happy memories are reinforced everyday through long lost friendship in the virtual and surreal world.  Libya whines and whimpers as I try to turn to my present; my beloved family and their abundant love are a magnetic field to my emotions and well beings. 
Yet time and time again when desperate or disillusioned, when looking for comfort in these tough times, I turn and I stomp a bit harder on the anchor that has been sinking for the last 23 years not having reached a resting place yet.  It is not in disrespect that I state my coercion but rather in the deep admiration that I have for this country’s people, for their humble smiles, their hard work, their generosity, their good hearts and acceptance, and even their ignorance.
I am kicking and screaming, my conscience is in upheaval and yet I resign, albeit without an ongoing fight and relapses, to being coerced to submit to a loving home and country; a home for which I grant allegiance reluctantly yet for which I yearn when far away, for which I crawl when defeated, and from which I proclaim my human rights and humanity.
The anchor is near reaching rock bottom with yet but a few germinating seeds to latch on.

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